Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
