I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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