with your own penis?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
