Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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