If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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