I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
