and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
