My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
