FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
