Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize