Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
