and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
