Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
