It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
