So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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