How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
