yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
