scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
