I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
