If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
as a side note pls kill me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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