She went from zero to smokin in five shots
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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