you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
