I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
