Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
