the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
