I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
