Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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