Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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