Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
