people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
