My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
