Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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