To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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