when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
