Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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