is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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