took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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