If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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