I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize