living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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