Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
