I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
