I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
