I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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