It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
