i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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