In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
