You really coming over, don't trick.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
