you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
