So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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