A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
