Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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