He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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