White coat. Heels.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
