dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
