I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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