are you still at the devil's house?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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