I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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