Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He better not be in your backpack
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
