Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
