You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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