So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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