Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
