You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
