So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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