She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize