at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
