You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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