If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
