alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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