I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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