Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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