i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
