Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
